But as The Fresh Prince used to say, ‘Parents Just
Don’t Understand’. The head of the fish is given to Pedrico (strange that this
is the first mention of him) and the other fishermen ask
Manolin to send their glad tidings to the old man. Santiago realizes he’s
still unlucky. Because, like many men his age, Santiago
has difficulty expressing his emotions and fears with words –
instead giving in to base desires – and imposing his
gigantically terrible positions on any given subject through
unblinking violence. Wade Wilson’s Cliffs Notes take on “The Old Man and the Sea,” ending with a nod to Red Lobster.Here’s the full text, transcribed by Comicbook.com but showcased in its originally format:The Old Man and the Sea is the story of a fight between an
elderly, accomplished fisherman, Santiago, and a really big
fish. Which isn’t really all that fair. It was just hanging out one
day, minding its own business, maybe thinking about ways it
could be a better provider for its family and WHAM! Who’s the “dream killer” now, f*ckface? Posted March 6, 2017 by Gina CarboneDeadpool is no Superman, but Ryan Reynolds continues to be the king of meta marketing, and he’s also handy for an insightful analysis of Ernest Hemingway’s “The Old Man and the Sea.”The first “Deadpool 2” teaser played before “Logan” in theaters, and a version was posted to Reynolds’s own YouTube page.Here’s what he tweeted:Anyone know the number to 911? He
fights and fights and fights but can’t pull the monster in. Like… Santiago’s leaky old boat is pulled by the fish for two days and
nights as he holds on for dear life. So he
stabs it. HUGE. Even though he’s bloody
and beat, Santiago begins to appreciate this mighty
adversary. The next morning a
group of fishermen gather around Santiago’s boat. It’s over 18
feet! By nighttime, the sharks have pretty much eaten the
entire marlin. And
like most romantic comedies, the reader pictures a delightful
outfit changing montage, followed by the inevitable
interspecies wedding. REALLY unlucky. One
measures the skeleton and, holy sh*t-shingles! I mean, the
sharks were just doing their job and the marlin… Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion),” “Zip it, Stan Lee!” the “Firefly” reference, the nod to “True Romance,” and the super-fast fine print at the end.What was in the fine print? Blood everywhere. Super gross. Many years later, there’s
a Red Lobster Restaurant in nearly every city in America,
offering a casual dining experience and convenient parking.Phew! On the eighty-fifth day of his
crappy luck, Santiago drops his lines, and by noon, gets a bite
from what feels like a big ass fish. He starts calling him “brother” or maybe even,
“bro.” It’s sort of a love story if you really think about it. Pretty soon sharks begin to attack the
bleeding marlin’s carcass, because we all know, life is a
tragic opera and just when you think you’ve finally found
something good and true, sharks come along and rip it all to
f*cking shreds while dry-humping your dignity with their
crazy-weird shark dicks. Harpoon
in the brain. Wilson. Manolin
brings Santiago newspapers and coffee when he wakes and
they decide to fish together again. With a f*cking harpoon. The next day, Santiago tells Manolin that
he’s going way out into the Gulf Stream. Like us on Facebook. But guess what? The
hypocrisy is pretty much boundless at this point. even by accident. So the boy visits Santiago’s shack anyway. Jesus,
don’t even get me started on the marlin! Well done for pointing out the hypocrisy and standing up for the sharks and the innocent marlin who probably just wanted to provide for its family.”Deadpool 2″ is expected in theaters in 2018. A-plus, Mr. Especially Joe DiMaggio; who used to bump fuzzies
with Marilyn Monroe. Eventually
Santiago makes it ashore. (Duh!) He calls the sharks
“dream killers”. Or, as they put it in the trailer, “Coming Not Soon Enough.”Want more stuff like this? Santiago was so unlucky that his
apprentice, Manolin, was forbidden by his Ma and Pa to fish
with him. Only a bleach-white skeleton remains, silently
mocking him in the murky darkness. Sure, Santiago tries killing a few of
them, but drops his harpoon because his hands are just as old
as he is. He’s sure it’s a winner. Typical. He makes it home and
crashes, like I said – he’s super tired. WAY OUT north of
Cuba. Anyway, he straps the marlin to
the side of his skiff and hits the road home, ready to act like
a total show off to everyone and probably gouge people on the
price. The story opens with Santiago suffering
eighty-four days without catching a fish because he’s the
unluckiest son-of-a-bitch on planet earth. It’s a mess. Ignoring the inherent risks of unsupervised playtime with an
elderly man who talks to himself, Manolin helps out, moving
Santiago’s fishing gear, making food and talking about
baseball. No Good Deed https://t.co/HyfsFn48Vl
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) March 4, 2017The YouTube video synopsis has its own meta reference to the “Sisterhood” of Reynolds’s wife, Blake Lively, as well as “Murder She Wrote”: “Wade and the other girls from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants plan a trip to Cabot Cove.”Watch the teaser:In theaters, many fans who didn’t expect to see Deadpool were thrilled when Wade pulled his hood down, and continued to be thrilled through “St. Lady luck is returning! But on the third day, Santiago is
freakin’ EXHAUSTED, and decides he just wants the fish to do
what he says and not always swim wherever it wants. Leaving the bones of the marlin and
the boat, he hobbles to his shack. Honestly, if you
were in a boat for eighty-four days, it’d be hard to NOT catch
a fish…

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